The Bliss of Failing

~A Quote from a Friend~

The thing about "failure' is that people don't fully grasp the gravity of the word. To be so bold as to call yourself a failure, without having truly tried at something, does the word 'failure' a disservice. To fail at something, truly fail, is to try and to fall flat and fall short.

We think of failure as a weakness, when in fact, most of us should be so lucky. Failure, true failure, is a badge of honor, my friends.

Those who would be so arrogant as to label themselves failures, when having never really tried in the first place, will never know the bliss of failing so wonderfully at something you put your all into. Rather, they will sit on the sidelines of life and chalk it all up to never being good enough. And that is a copout.

Failure is something to take pride in. Failure implies effort, and effort is passion, and without passion, we may as well not as exist.

So go forth and fail. Fail again and again, and eventually, you'll fail that much better.

 

Something clicked when I read this... I fail daily as a wife and mother. Most days I fail as wife because I am too busy failing at mom. I don't use the term loosely here, many mothers can relate to what I am trying to explain.

I put my all into these kids, day in and day out, when things don't go as I set them up to be, I feel like a failure. As a wife, part of my job is to be the keeper of our home. What happens when things slip through my fingers and Chad walks in the door to screaming children, catastrophic messes, and a wife in her jammies?? I feel like a complete failure. 

What I didn't realize is what I have ultimately accomplished in days like these <<what seems like very little>> the kids are still alive. Do you know what all goes into a day of keeping three kids alive? What about the mornings that I can't seem to drag myself out of bed quick enough? I never count the rough three consecutive hours I spend awake with a baby who wants to play instead of sleeping like the rest of the people in the house. I am currently running on two and a half hours of collected sleep as I type this.

It's no secret I am a struggling perfectionist and that I am coming out of a season commonly referred to as the "mom rut". I haven't been posting on my blog lately because I have been busy journaling personal goals and achievements. But I wanted to at least share some encouragement. The bliss here isn't that I fall short every day. I never live up to my own expectation as a wife and mother. However, I do not give myself enough credit either. I have reevaluated my life and routine, I have become so much more focused on what it is I do want out of myself. I dropped the expectations and let myself breathe. 

I am super mom even when I think I fail.
I am super wife when I can smile through the failure.

 

I wear the badge.
 

O Lord, You are the God of early mornings, the God of late nights, the God of the mountain peaks and the God of the sea. But, my God, my soul has horizons further away than those early mornings, deeper darkness than the nights of earth, higher peaks than any mountain peaks, greater depths than any sea in nature. You who are the God of all these, be my God. I cannot reach to the heights or to the depths; there are motives I cannot discover, dreams I cannot realize. My God, search me. 

 

-Oswald Chambers

God is More Than a Sunday Morning

It's been a Thankful Thursday kind of day for me. Now that I have been able to take a small breath and refocus a little, I am so thankful for God's grace.

I have already announced my come back. But I also have a confession...
 

Given the running theme of my last two posts, this will not come as such news. So, here it goes, I have failed to make it to church more in the last few months of 2013 than in the last few years of my life. Don't judge me yet.

I try not to miss too much church. I need the fellowship, refreshing, confirmation and conviction. I love the way God speaks directly to me through someone who has no idea the cry of my heart. When I skip church, my week gets messy really fast and all my days start to blend. Imagine weeks between, now I'm really lost. That probably isn't helping the season I am in much. Interesting though, how busy I become, or the distractions that I will allow to keep me from much needed time with God.
 

After being absent for a consecutive month, the sermon on that first Sunday back had these points:

 

.We cannot expect anyone to bring Jesus to us.

.We are still responsible for Monday and Tuesday...

 

Funny how He does that.

How many times during those missed weeks had I needed Him? And how many times did I actually seek Him? How many times did I open the Word?

 

Thank God His grace is not based on my church attendance.

 

I really need church. I think it is a really important part of our Christian walk. But it is equally important to seek Him outside of Sunday mornings.


If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.
>>Jeremiah 29:13<<

 

These seasons of avoiding Jesus are prime hunting ground for the enemy. Faith is too fragile. No matter how "strong" of a Christian, it doesn't take much to distract us long enough to forget everything we know. Ironic though that these are the circumstances chosen to test our faith!

Wherever you find Jesus, is where you should strive to be. Mine happens to be a lot at Church. Go figure. However, I know, well enough, where to find Him when I miss those precious mornings. I obviously lost track of my priorities a bit. Buuuuut, I AM working on it.
 

 

"If you wish to see the face of Jesus, you must sit at His feet."

 

Thank you, Lord, for your grace and provision, even through weeks <<or months>> without seeking your sweet face wholeheartedly. Thank you for your goodness while I am selfish and undeserving. Thank you for your unfailing love. Thank you for your mercy and tender forgiveness.

Uninspired Thoughts

Let me start this by warning you that I am still in my season of exhaustion. And I will be venting in this post. I have had "writers block" every time I've opened my journal. Variations of woes me just bleed onto the pages like I've never been here before. And I'm stuck here right now.

 

How can I inspire someone when I, myself, am so uninspired?

 

I used to read my Bible every day. This may sound weird, but it's honest, I used to go to sleep excited to wake up and spend quiet time with the Lord. Now, I can't even pull myself out of bed before someone has a poop explosion! My coffee rarely touches my lips before 11 and my quiet time gets farther away from happening.

 

How could I have let things come to this? ME!? I am so in control of myself and my schedule. When did I stop letting God inspire my heart? I've just let go of everything that I am passionate about. I am drowning in my busyness. But I've become so lazy at the same time. I don't even know who I am right now or what I really want. I'm just blah. And I'm sick of it.

 

A recent conversation with a friend struck a cord though. Talking about a picture I took that is hanging on the wall of my bathroom. It's a favorite of mine. I have it in a floating frame paired with two verses. I snapped it in 2009 as a gift for Chad, the morning we took Shaelynn to Disneyland for her first time. When I printed it, Walgreens asked for the copyright. I had no way to prove it was mine in that moment. And I had never had an issue with One-Hour Photo before this. The only reason they gave it to me was because it happened to be Christmas eve and I was on the verge of tears. That picture is worth a thousand words to me. Not just because of the struggle it took to get it on my wall but the reason behind taking it in the first place.

 

Throughout my break from photography I seriously debated changing the name. A Thousand Words: It began to feel cliché and so unoriginal. But, that conversation spoke to me. It sparked a little glimmer in my heart. I decided that I won't change the name. I will get back to doing what I love and I will use my talents for the Lord like I had originally started off doing. 

 

I LOVE photography. It is such an inspiring way to express art. It makes me happy. And I need to do it more. I need to give it back to God. So, therefore, I end this rant with the announcement that I am back in business people. In an entirely new way...stay tuned.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.

>> 2 Corinthians4:7<<